The sight of me.

11 February 2014

Tuesday

Osonong do kosuabon ~ zhao sang hao ~ good morning ~ selamat pagi ~ the four language that grew up with me. Lovely day to write my new entry.. I want to write about it since last week, but as usual, I hold on to it. Hopely today will be a great day for my one or more entry, finger-crossed ~ 

I rarely use this space of mine, which I had named it as 'Notebook/Precious Clare', I didn't know how to described this, it's not a diary, not really a journal, sometimes can be the reflection of my life, my thoughts, my story.. So maybe because of that I end up calling it as 'Notebook' ~ I jot down everything in my notebook, that's is my habit during in class for five years and a half. I write everything I want, my own thoughts and I need, my feelings. I draw my feelings, more like if I in a mood for drawing, I will draw whatever cross in my mind. But, I can not draw here in my space. My Notebook. 

I am a writer in my own way, not really a blogger. I seldom read my friends entry, I am really sorry. Still, whenever I got the chance to read, I will read. Like just now, my cute junior and brother bum bum, he is a good writer. His entry that I promised to read, siok mok baca, sangat siok a bum. I familiar with the story, but you had make it, unique in your own way. Good job! I know a lot of a good writer among my friends, especially my junior and my bestie too. I won't say a particular name.. Please continue writing. I love to read more of your post.

The sight of me ~ Many things happened during this season tanam anggur of mine. Sometimes I can't understand why it happened? I can't figured out the solution.. I keep on searching for explanation. Sometimes I am too scared to ask, I didn't want to hurt more feelings. So, I keep it in my heart. The questions stay with me, but I let it out whenever I am with God. He is faithful, yes I believe and have faith.

All my experienced with God, everything was so mysterious yet beautiful. I learnt that there is good in the end of every pain.. there is always a rainbow after rain. Whenever I felt the hardship I will keep on reminding myself, everything will be just fine, as God take control of my life. I did not want to do this alone, I need Him, my saviour. I can not do this alone, and I knew God did not want me to hold on my own strength. In mass, I keep on hearing from Fado in his homili, bergantunglah kepada Bapa di Syurga, jangan hanya bergantung pada diri sendiri, kerna Bapa di Syurga sentiasa ada untuk menolong. Amen. Yes, He is indeed the author of my life, and whom should I hold on if not unto Him. 

My prayer ~ sometimes I asked for something.. honestly, most of the time. I still remembered all the answered prayer in my life. Since I am just a little girl. His loves never fail. One of the story I will never forget, during the day of my primary school, there is one time, uncle bus left my friends, my brother and me. There is about 3-4 people of us. I didn't have enough money to pay for a bus trip, either my brother. I pray in my heart, I asked for help from heavenly Father, Jesus Christ. Suddenly, my former kindergarten teacher was going back too. She saw us. She asked why we are still there in front of the primary school as the kindergarten sebelah saja.. I told her we had missed the school bus. She look at me, nodded. Suddenly, she gave me money. I think I didn't asked for it. But, teacher gave us, enough for our bus trip fee and called my dad. At that time, I am so happy and give thanks to God with all my heart. Simple yet wonderful. 

Answered prayer, Unanswered prayer ~ Whenever you are praying, God is listening. Fado Ja said He is listening, everyone prayer, and He is answering it, with yes, no or wait, because you didn't need it yet. I know this, but didn't acknowledge it. We all know this, but tend to forget. As the urge to see a result of a prayer is distracting us from seeing beneath the prayer. 

A perfect vision, to see through the best in every action. A prayer is a way of communication between you and God. In prayer, one give thanks, asked for help, asked for something or just to say How are You today, Father? I am so thankful, as the Holy Spirit always guide me to keep on praying no matter what the answer is. Sometimes, it is a yes, sometimes it is a no. Most of the time, it will be, wait. The waiting is worthy. The choice I had been made, to stay still and keep on praying, trust in Him, and in His on way, He answered the prayer. It is not to late, just beautiful in His time.  

This is not easy, but nothing is impossible in God. Sometimes, in unaswered prayer, I cried. The tears of burden in my heart, flow and make my hearts feel free again. The ache in my heart, it's hurt. But, as the tears flow, slowly I feel a relieved. My sister, Jov always said, tears is a way of praying too. When I can't say anything else, I cried. I just cried and live it all unto God hands. Sometimes, when I hold on too much in my heart, alone, it hurts more. When I surrender in God, I am relieved. It's not that I have the answer already but His presence in every prayer, makes your heart calm. The words stay in my heart until today. 

I always said everything will be just fine, He will answered it in His own time and in His own way. Janice also said that in her entry, 'God answers all prayers and usually they are yes, no, or wait. We all know this.' 

this wonderful song I had been listen recently from Kari Jobe, a sight from my feeling ~ 

Even when it hurts
Even when it's hard
Even when it all just falls apart
I will run to You
Cause I know that You are
Lover of my soul
Healer of my scars
You steady my heart

(Steady my heart)

So, this is the sight of me. A sharing from me to you. I hope everyone who read this will know that.. you are not alone. All of us have our own problem, but Jesus Christ never want us to be alone. God, heavenly father is the author of our life. He knows everything about you and me. So, He is always know the best in His own time. Sometimes, we forgot about that, but He always send the Holy Spirit to remind us. Don't worry. Keep on praying. Stay still as He is still in us. Amen.

ps: Please forgive me for my wrong gramatical error and the usage of sentences.