I cry!

02.04.2012

Monday

I cried today. Why? I can't explain exactly why. Where? At year 6 class. When? When I relieve a PSV class.

To be a teacher means I need to be strong. Today, I really can't hold my emotion. I cried in front of my pupils. Actually, I'm replacing one teacher in 6B for PSV class. Then, on my way to the class, I noticed some of the pupils were walk in and out. When I arrived in front of the class, I asked them to go inside. As usually, some of the kids will ask permission to go to toilet. I just let them go. Then, I ask the others to go inside. I didn't notice that one of the boy that I asked to go inside is the Ketua Kelas. I didn't know how the fight started as some says their fight start from outside.

Then, inside of the class, they suddenly fight again. Both of them were saying bad about each other. If only there were my brothers, I would took one of the boy and bring outside of the class. But, they were only my pupils, which I'm barely know. I voice pitch begin to change. I shout, hopely both of them would stop the fight. But, my voice was still low. I can't stop the fighting. I'm nervous. One second they stop, and another second they start to fight again. I hold one of the boy hand. I asked some of the boys to hold the other. The fight won't stop. I can't stop it and I need the Guru Disiplin.

Luckily one teacher came in. She thought there were no teacher inside the class. But, there I am, can't do anything. She bring both of the boys to meet the Guru Disiplin... While there were gone, I started to cry! I can't explain why. I just need to cry, and I can't hold my tears. Other kids saw me crying and keep silence. Worst, I didn't bring tissue. Lol!

I sit on teachers place, I keep silence as my tears won't stop. I want to go out of the class but I'm shy if another teacher saw me. I looked at my pupils. I took a deep breath and wipe my tears. I start to talk. I give them 15 minutes lectures. I talk about moral, friendship and their believers. I talk and talk till my bahasa is lintang pukang. I let out my unsatisfied to the class. In my heart, I hope they will understand what I'm trying to say. I really hope so. At last, both of the them came back and apologize to me and the teacher. I can't say anything. I didn't know what to say. I told them to sit down. Same as the other, I told them to continue their drawing...

That's my story today.

First in my life, I cry in front of the students.

I think I'm too shocked of the situation.

From the first time I entered the class, I love them, as they listen to me compare some kids.

I eager to enter the class today as I received the surat cinta.

But, this happened!

I'm a little bit of sad, afraid and disappointing.

What can I expect from them again, as I know all of them are good.

I pray God will give me wisdom in my ways to be a better teacher same like HIM.